Do you ever just want to… what’s the word I’m looking for…? Flee? You know, just leave it all behind – the house, the stuff, the clothes, the cars, the “good” job and move somewhere tropical or foreign?
I’ve had this feeling a lot lately. Actually, both my husband and I have been feeling this way. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, especially since I don’t really consider myself to be much of an adventurer. That’s not to say I don’t like adventure, I just favor steadiness and solidity. However, all I can think about lately is throwing some clothes in a bag, grabbing what food we have in our pantry, withdrawing all of our cash, throwing our little mutt in the car and leaving.
No plan. No direction. No jobs. Just driving, going no where fast. Who is this person?!
This is a person who has begun re-evaluating my own ideas of “success.” Success to me used to mean earing a college degree, getting a good job straight out of college, learning how to support myself financially, marrying a nice guy (don’t get me wrong, I love C-dub a bunch) and living in a nice home. It seems success means we should always “move forward.” You know, get an even better job with more pay, an even bigger house with a bigger yard, a new car with more gadgets and special features and so on.
Lately my priorities have changed. I’m not sure if it’s age or life experience, but none of this really seems to matter to me anymore. I realize I am really happiest when I’m with my husband in a tent or somewhere remote, eating simple food and not worrying about what I look like or how others are perceiving me.
All I really want is time. Time with the ones I love the most. Time to think and breathe and take in this limited time warp we call life. This isn’t to say I want to be completely worthless and a non productive member of society, but I’ve decided to I DO NOT want to be in an office all day, watching the hours minutes go by, slow as molasses. I used to think what I really wanted was to work as a professional in an office setting, where I could grow and advance and make more money. But I’ve learned it’s just not for me. I need more freedom, more creativity and less structure.
Those of you who know me might think this is very out of character. Or is it? Maybe I’m just knowing figuring out who this “me” really is and what I really want.
I’m not really sure where to go from here, but I think it’s time to make a plan and start working to get what I want. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband, who will support me no matter what I do.
Don’t worry Mom, I don’t plan to pack up and move to Italy tomorrow or anything (I’ll at least wait til next year). I know nothing is easy and lots of people work for people they don’t love, or stay with jobs they despise because they want to support their family. I say these people have a lot more patience than me. Maybe this urge to “flee” is more metaphorical. Maybe I just need to flee from the traditional idea of success, and just follow my heart.
I will not settle. I will not just do what I have to do. I plan to do what I love, and I love what I do.
Thanks for listening.